Monday, December 22, 2008

chatted with him ytd.

well , all ie can say is .
ie nort only remember ur bad things .
of course ie remember ur good side.
cause no one is totally bad of course.

How u picked me up from sch everyday .
torelate my parents scolding in public ,
picking me up from work
giving me surprises ...
and also torelating my attitude , etc ....
all these are all remebered and appreciated.

well , dont think ie will be updating in this blog anymore ,
cause there nothing much to blog abt anymore..
this blog will be left as a PLACE to read up everything once in awhile.
remembering the good old times and also bad ones.
lol ,
well , lets just put it in a way ,
a place that once had a beautiful memories and story in it.
Now its just a memory .

im rly nort saying that u are the BAD guy , The worst guy ie ever met or what .
cause u seriously are NORTTT ....
even now , ie tell some guys that ie only aknowleage 1 guy as my ex.
all my other ex airnt consider my ex cause
ie didnt truely loved them b4.

well , but im NOT going to mushy ard here =.-
lol ,
so ...
just wanna say .

u moved on , im moving on too .
we are heading to our own separate lives alr.
ie wish u all the best to u and ur gf ,
and of course ...
any circumstances u will face ahead , u have my blessings.
definietly we are still friends ;D

Byebye .

9:47 AM

Saturday, December 20, 2008

guess someone feels im pushing all faults to kaming?
so , kaming got phobia of my attitude ,
den what abt me?
im nort afraid of getting timed agains.
my phobia is bigger than his , thats why im always so insecure.
whenever he says he's going to where ever ,
ie feel so afraid he's going to meet another girl.
think ie wasnt afraid?!

Yes , ie admit my attitude is like fcuking horrible , like fcuking hell horrible.
its impossible for u ppl to imagine.
but seriously lahs.
im still not to that extend whr ie have gone insane and attitude ard FOR NOTHING.
there is shure a reason behind it .
what that caused me to get angry .
what that caused me to explored , did it ever occur to u?

yups , ie ever unreasonably attitude him in far east .
this up to know , ie noe im fcuking hell wrong for doing that .
but u cant use the word phobia as if u wan say phobia .
common lahs.
iie suffered a bigger phobia.

even if ie have a super sucky attitude ,
in the end , in a r/s most imptly is loyality and trust .
He spoilt it all .
we tgt for only 1 months+ he alr spoilt the trust that we are building up .
ie dunnoe why ie forgiven him at that time ,
till now sometime ie ask myself maybe ie shuld have let go at that time
den the hurt wouldnt be so great now.
but in the end , each time when ie feel maybe he's changed , he will timed me agains.
everytime new faces appear.
new girl , as tho having me wasnt ever enuff.

but , im not gonna talk abt that anymore.

ie just wanna say , we both got our wrong.
He is a good bf , rly.
ie can say , the bestest bestest BESTTTTEST one ie ever had .
a very good one thats why ie will love him so much .

he's flaws is he's still nort rdy to settle down in a r/s with ONE girl bahs.
But , to me .. this is alr too much for me to accept cause
ie expect that since he's my only bf , ie wan to be his only gf.
But ie cant.

ie thought by holding on to him ,
ie can slowly change my flaws and he slowly settling down with me .
but in the end , we create more reasons to hate each other.
ask me if ie hate him , ie will say yes. ie fcuking hate him ..
hate him for letting me fall in love with him when he wasnt rdy to settle down in this r/s.

My flaws is my attitude , this ie noe myself .
he says it all the time also .
so ,

ie guess what im trying to say is.
maybe we are nort match for each other ?
cause im looking for a guy who is willing to settle down in a r/s .
love one girl , only care for one girl .
and nort loving girl A ,
next talking to girl B slowly feeling girl B is also nort bad .
gaining feelings for girl B yet also still love girl A .
den dont knoe when , Girl C will appear .

and im also not match for him
as he's looking for a girl who wont attitude him .
nort a girl who will scream at in the public ,
or spamming calling his hp.

and ie seriously hope that whoever he is with now .
that he wont timed the girl too .

To all the guys :
If u are nort rdy to settle down ,
dun fcuking jio a girl .
den treat them super good .
let them slowly falling for u deeply den smash their hearts.
cause u airnt us ,
u wont noe how much pain we have to go thru .

it may look simple ,
just forgeting this person , moving on with our lives.
But , during the process of forgetting this person is alr a process of going thru HELL ,
and slowly moving on dragging ourself out of the hell cave when all our body are cover with blood
and scars.
yes ,
the scars is permanent and it might change our life forever.
u airnt us , u guys wunt noe how much hurt u will cause us Oka?

p/s : ie wunt ever regret ever once loving u , ie wunt regret holding on to u for so long .
ie wunt regret every slightest thing that happened to us .
regardless happy / sad .
cause ie noe they are part of my life story ,
no use regretting when its alr happened.
instead , ie will treasure them and making sure ie wunt ever repeat any mistake
that will repeat my misery.

p/s : maybe 10 years down the road , we spot each other ,
this time both of us changed ,
who knows .... our story might begin again .
hahahha , nah . joking.

p/s : Last with ur gf alrights , longer den us.
cause if u dun , ie will be laughing at u .
remebered u said ' she gave me a very good impression '
it rly sound as tho she is super goood ,
so , make shure u both last :)

6:14 AM

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

ie didnt want to write abt this to prevent
ppl for using this to humilate me / say me.
whatever it is.

But somehow , im bored now .
and ie think , its ok that ie say this cause at least now ..
ive alr let go of this relationship right?

well , before ie went to genting viewed his friendster :/
and ie was so stunned to see his status ' In a relationship '
gOSH , ie wunt deny , ie felt so upset until my tears swelled up .
ie cried for awhile and del-ed his friendster immdly ,
which ie dunnoe why ?
guess ive seen enuff .

then ie remember he said ,' if one day ie gt a new gf , it means ie alr consider properly. '
well , then ie believe he must have made up his choice properly .
he must have alr decide that this girl was meant for him .
[ wonder how long he noe that girl only ? ]
nvm la , different ppl gt different ways of knowing a person .
maybe he just need 2 weeks or so to noe and believe that this is his mrs right?
hahahas.

den ie realise , ie shuld give him my blessing right?
like , thats what ie shuld be doing .
giving my blessing .
yes , when ie looked ,
ie said to myself ,' hope u both last uh :) '

anyways , ie watched this show.
they said ' in this world there's no such thing as i cant live w/o u.
after listening to this , ie so agreed .
and this hit me .
ie dunniid him to live !

ie noe in this whole relationship for coming 2 years ,
aiiya ... is 2 years 6 months , only thing is for 8 months we werent tgt but we still behave
like couple cans?!
so , ie consider that as 2 and a half months , ive always been faithful .
nv once ie timed him.
this ie swear .
altho when we broke alr , ie did go out with other guys ,
but all merely friends.
and , ie actually forgive him so many things which ie shuldnt at all .
holding on to him so tightly.
loved him whole heartedly ,
ie given my all , everything ie can do for him , ive done it.
ie holded on till my very last ,
until im rly tooo hurt and tired to continue chasing behind his back.

ie can say , the girl he's with now ..
her love cant even be compared to mine :B

Hahahas ,
but thats the past now.
now , ie realise ..
all the while ie would just sacrifise my feelings for this relationship .
when he timed me and stuff ,
because of loving him too much ,
or what u ppl said ' BLINDED BY LOVE '
ie forgive him again and again , no matter how hurt i am .
ie ignored my hurts and forgive him.
No matter how he ignore me , no matter how he hurted me .
ie ignore my hurts and hold on.

But , im done.
ie have neglected myself too much .
because of love , ie try to forget the hurts and hold on.

yes , ie cant say he's the bad guy .
cause ie have my flaws too .
my attitude = sucky.
hehe :B
But , ie believe it wunt be as hurting as a person u love having another person outside right?
well ,
ie realise , now ,
ie wanna seek for my own happiness.
someone who will be paitent with me , care for me and pamper me never neglecting me.
someone who see me importantly ,
nort a person who 1 week ago will msg u every single day ,
care for u
after awhile become so cold and only care to chat with other girl .

ie am rly too tired , ie cant keep ignoring my feelings .
because ie forgive once , 2nd time happen ,
and because ie forgive twice ,
3rd time happen .
there will never be an ending .
we dragged for so long ,
he went to his ex and say miss her and stuff ,
ltr went to his ex friend and jio her friend ,
maybe he was rly playing only.

for one min , ie actually told myself maybe ie can just forget abt this.
cause like he said ' he no wrong . he's single what .'
ie actually thought his words are right and he didnt did any wrong ,
im just too over hurt by it.
But now , again when ie think bakk .
he did give me his word , he told me he loved me ,
and we are dragging this relationship cause we are in consideration of each other.
we are half patching back stuff.
he shuld nort be doing these stuff at all ,
since he claim he love me.
Agains,
ie realise ie neglected my hurts to compromise to him .
and again thought of ignoring this whole situation.

but , suddenly he said he lost feelings for me cause he met this good impression girl.
ie realise thats how 'deep' his love were for me.
heh!
very ' deep ' .
lol!
he isnt a bad guy , but what ppl say .
' HUA XIN ' or maybe some guys likes to enjoy many girl loving him.
maybe he loved me ?
but he feels one girl isnt enuff.

But now , ie wan someone who
will love me and only me ,
no matter how many 'goood impression' girl pass by , they still love me.
lol .
well , ie believe this guy will pass me one day .
and when this guy comes ,
ie wunt hold back ,

cause ie totally give up hope on this relationship alr.
ie totally dont pin any hopes on this relationship alr.
and , everyday ie remind myself everything that ie pull through ,
but never was ie appreciated .

slowly , ie feel my feelings for him are decreasing ..
ie will be gone soon ,
like ie said ..
im walking str8 and ie will nv turn back .

Wow , writing my heart out feeels goood .
hahahas ,
anws .
one more thing ,
ie just wanna let ppl noe .

every starting of the relationship is only a HONEYMOON period ,
dont put ur whole heart in immd cause , for 1-5 months ,
ur partner will treat u super duper goood ,
he/she wunt mind travelling far just to see u .
he/she will treat u like a piece of rare jade , treasure u .
But after the honeymoon is over , thats when ur partner true love will appear .
thats when ur quarrells starts .

ie realise , ie devoted myself to him during the honeymoon period ,
slowly , when he timed me , because of love.
ie forgive , slowly again and agin repeating same mistakes.
because ie used to believe ,
as long as ie hold on , as long as ie love him ..
one day he will realise this , he will appreciate me by caring for me , faithful towards me
and giving me back the love ie gave to him..
But , ie was wrong ..
im a fool to believe this .
in the end , im still left with nothing.

It wont work went another party doesnt cooperate ,
when another party doesnt realise but instead take advantage of ur love.

Haiis :/
but its alright , lesson learned .

10:02 AM

Friday, December 12, 2008

You walked in to my life,
But just like that, You walked back out,
Still you will be a memory,
A memory that I have created in my mind,

Still you will be a memory,
A memory that will always be locked,
Away in my heart and my mind,
I will always have a memory of you in my heart,
And I will always carry that picture of you in my mind.

A memory that will last with me a lifetime.
A memory that will be told to my children .
A memory so dear to me , ie wunt ever forget .
I cant have anything anymore ,
ie dun wish to have anything else too ,
cause , ie noe ...
everything will turn back the same in the end .
A replay ,
however .. This memory ie will cherish always .
OUR MEMORIES.

11:52 AM

Thursday, December 11, 2008

You never felt the way I did and never shared my pain,
You made me feel so wonderful when we met, yet so insane.
Crazy for thinking you and I could be together, you and me?
I can only hope that someday you will see the way that I see.
I love you, I always will.

I have never regretted knowing you in my life ,
I never will ,
But , I cant hold on to something isnt there.
YOUR LOVE.

But its alrights ,
Friends still .

5:09 AM

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Every harsh word
Every cold shoulder
Every look of disgust that passes over your face
Wears down on me
Every intolerable remark adds to the burden placed on my shoulders
I carry every degrading comment with me,
And it's breaking me down.

And I'm done
I can't smile and say it's o.k. anymore
I can't be optimistic and say I agree
I can't grin and bare it one more day
I'm hollow inside
I'm done

I'm at the end of my rope
I've given all I can for you And I'm Done.

This poem says it all ,
im only fooling myself and im done .

ps : ive been fooling myself , ive been turning myself round and round ..
But now , ie will walk straight and never turn back .

8:36 PM

Friday, December 5, 2008

Going on as the days are passing
Moving on as if nothing is happening
You know what hurts me the most
you know how you leave me lost

I never let you see the tears in my eyes
But we know you can see them after few tries
Pretending that if i convince myself that I'm okay

I'll start to really believe it one day
When you get pissed you just neglect
When you're confused you disrespect
You Ignore me when i need you most
You don't even care & leave me lost
I hope things will get better in time
I hope one day i'll stop pretending .

Just had a good chat with my mum abt relationships stuff.
ie feel what she say is right..
Thanks mummy for cheering me up.
But , idk why , till now .
ie feel like giving it one more try .
cause , ie keep having that feeling that if we ever patch agains .
Thing will be better agains.
haiis , maybe im just silly and foolish .
idk .
But ie believe , as time passes ..
maybe one day u will see me writing the word ' i dont love him anymore '
maybe one day ,
ie will move on unknowingly.

boy..
if one day , im gone for shure.
will u ever regret ?

With Love ♥

11:24 AM

Thursday, December 4, 2008

And so I spent each day of my life
With my heart in pieces
And when I thought it could never be cured.

I waited for your love in hope,
That ours would come again,
And make me feel the things I felt,
When we were one, back then.

But time and distance have erased,
The things I wished anew,
And now I find myself alone,
Forever wandering,
in my thoughts and I shall ask you once again,
' Do you love me or not? '

was so angry with u when u scold me cause ie msg-ed wrongly.
god!
But , nbms ba.
used to it lers.
Haiis :/

ie wan meet u is cause ie miss u cans?
u up to now still dun understand me meh ??
Haiis.

8:55 AM

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Now she is living all alone,
With nothing she can call her own.
She can barely make herself eat,
Wondering if her life will again be complete.

Tutu mouth.

Hmms :/
just decided to blog ba -.-'

3:20 AM

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

I don't really want to let you go
But inside me I know I must;
The times we've loved . . .
My heart says stay .

We have shared so much together
Laughter . . . fun times . . . tears;
Somehow , if only time can turn back.

Everyone ask , why not let him go ?

If its easy , ie would have earlier..
somehow , my heart still wanna hold on .
idk why , but ...
ie guess thats love .

8:24 AM

Monday, December 1, 2008

Every day and every night, I think about you.
The rules don't even matter when you enter my heart.
I thought I shut you out,
But somehow, my heart never completely closed the door on you.

Each time I lay alone, crying,
I wish you were there with me.
I don't understand why I still want you there.
I never have been able to forget you,
No matter how hard I try and how long I give myself time.

I wanted our love to begin.
But still, you kept moving away.
I wanted to tell you to stop,
but I couldn't part my lips,
and my heart began to drop.

Boy , did u ever think ..
If u didnt do all these things..
Maybe now we would have patched?
Did u ever think if all these didnt happen , maybe now ..
we will be sms-ing each other eveyday .
Haiis :(

U keep reminding me of our past , our memories .
But this hits me , why keep thinking abt our wonderful memories ,
when in actual fact ,
if all these didnt happened , we could build out more new wonderful memories tgt.
Haiis ..
somehow , why didnt u think abt that ?

If u would just stop pushing me away ,
maybe things wouldnt come to such worst state .
If u would just stop ur stubborness , maybe things would still work out right?
Why u didnt think this way ..
and instead , pushing me away like nobody business.
Somehow , if u think differently ,
Outcomes would also have been different u noe?

With Love ♥

8:38 AM

Monday, December 22, 2008

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Friday, December 12, 2008

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Friday, December 5, 2008

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Monday, December 1, 2008

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