ie didnt want to write abt this to prevent ppl for using this to humilate me / say me. whatever it is.
But somehow , im bored now . and ie think , its ok that ie say this cause at least now .. ive alrlet go of this relationship right?
well , before ie went to genting viewed his friendster :/ and ie was so stunned to see his status ' In a relationship ' gOSH , ie wunt deny , ie felt so upset until my tears swelled up . ie cried for awhile and del-ed his friendster immdly , which ie dunnoe why ? guess ive seen enuff .
then ie remember he said ,' if one day ie gt a new gf , it means ie alr consider properly. ' well , then ie believe he must have made up his choice properly . he must have alr decide that this girl was meant for him . [ wonder how long he noe that girl only ? ] nvm la , different ppl gt different ways of knowing a person . maybe he just need 2 weeks or so to noe and believe that this is his mrs right? hahahas.
den ie realise , ie shuld give him my blessing right? like , thats what ie shuld be doing . giving my blessing . yes , when ie looked , ie said to myself ,' hope u both last uh :) '
anyways , ie watched this show. they said ' in this world there's no such thing as i cant live w/o u. after listening to this , ie so agreed . and this hit me . ie dunniid him to live ! ie noe in this whole relationship for coming 2 years , aiiya ... is 2 years 6 months , only thing is for 8 months we werent tgt but we still behave like couple cans?! so , ie consider that as 2 and a half months , ive always been faithful . nv once ie timed him. this ie swear . altho when we broke alr , ie did go out with other guys , but all merely friends. and , ie actually forgive him so many things which ie shuldnt at all . holding on to him so tightly. loved him whole heartedly , ie given my all , everything ie can do for him , ive done it. ie holded on till my very last , until im rly tooo hurt and tired to continue chasing behind his back.
ie can say , the girl he's with now .. her love cant even be compared to mine :B
Hahahas , but thats the past now. now , ie realise .. all the while ie would just sacrifise my feelings for this relationship . when he timed me and stuff , because of loving him too much , or what u ppl said ' BLINDED BY LOVE ' ie forgive him again and again , no matter how hurt i am . ie ignored my hurts and forgive him. No matter how he ignore me , no matter how he hurted me . ie ignore my hurts and hold on.
But , im done. ie have neglected myself too much . because of love , ie try to forget the hurts and hold on.
yes , ie cant say he's the bad guy . cause ie have my flaws too . my attitude = sucky. hehe :B But , ie believe it wunt be as hurting as a person u love having another person outside right? well , ie realise , now , ie wanna seek for my own happiness. someone who will be paitent with me , care for me and pamper me never neglecting me. someone who see me importantly , nort a person who 1 week ago will msg u every single day , care for u after awhile become so cold and only care to chat with other girl .
ie am rly too tired , ie cant keep ignoring my feelings . because ie forgive once , 2nd time happen , and because ie forgive twice , 3rd time happen . there will never be an ending . we dragged for so long , he went to his ex and say miss her and stuff , ltr went to his ex friend and jio her friend , maybe he was rly playing only.
for one min , ie actually told myself maybe ie can just forget abt this. cause like he said ' he no wrong . he's single what .' ie actually thought his words are right and he didnt did any wrong , im just too over hurt by it. But now , again when ie think bakk . he did give me his word , he told me he loved me , and we are dragging this relationship cause we are in consideration of each other. we are half patching back stuff. he shuld nort be doing these stuff at all , since he claim he love me. Agains, ie realise ie neglected my hurts to compromise to him . and again thought of ignoring this whole situation.
but , suddenly he said he lost feelings for me cause he met this good impression girl. ie realise thats how 'deep' his love were for me. heh! very ' deep ' . lol! he isnt a bad guy , but what ppl say . ' HUA XIN ' or maybe some guys likes to enjoy many girl loving him. maybe he loved me ? but he feels one girl isnt enuff.
But now , ie wan someone who will love me and only me , no matter how many 'goood impression' girl pass by , they still love me. lol . well , ie believe this guy will pass me one day . and when this guy comes , ie wunt hold back ,
cause ie totally give up hope on this relationship alr. ie totally dont pin any hopes on this relationship alr. and , everyday ie remind myself everything that ie pull through , but never was ie appreciated .
slowly , ie feel my feelings for him are decreasing .. ie will be gone soon , like ie said .. im walking str8 and ie will nv turn back .
Wow , writing my heart out feeels goood . hahahas , anws . one more thing , ie just wanna let ppl noe .
every starting of the relationship is only a HONEYMOON period , dont put ur whole heart in immd cause , for 1-5 months , ur partner will treat u super duper goood , he/she wunt mind travelling far just to see u . he/she will treat u like a piece of rare jade , treasure u . But after the honeymoon is over , thats when ur partner true love will appear . thats when ur quarrells starts .
ie realise , ie devoted myself to him during the honeymoon period , slowly , when he timed me , because of love. ie forgive , slowly again and agin repeating same mistakes. because ie used to believe , as long as ie hold on , as long as ie love him .. one day he will realise this , he will appreciate me by caring for me , faithful towards me and giving me back the love ie gave to him.. But , ie was wrong .. im a fool to believe this . in the end , im still left with nothing.
It wont work went another party doesnt cooperate , when another party doesnt realise but instead take advantage of ur love.
Haiis :/ but its alright , lesson learned .
10:02 AM
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